The make up stand meltdown
The transition from working mom to stay at home mom is real, we often do not allow ourselves to grieve our past lives as we transition into our new roles out of the fear of being judged that we are ungrateful.
My make up stand broke and I had a complete meltdown, I felt like the last piece of glamour I had was gone!
Before being a stay at home mom, I was a independent working mom, I got to glamour up for work, put make up on and get my hair done and dress up! Now I’m always home with the kids so I definitely don’t wear make up, I am not the girl who you visit and I answer the door with a full face on, I am make up free and in sweats! I am wearing anything comfortable enough which allows me to change nappies, do projects with Zac and clean up after baby, so definitely no heels either! Bed time slippers equals my all day shoes!
With lockdown we don’t go out as we want to be the safest we can be. Before lockdown I had my baby classes to go to, lunch with friends and dinner dates with husband and now I’m completely in doors! Which also means for me no nail appointments, the one thing I always have done, is my nails, it’s the one thing my husband knows that is my spoil for the month! I love my nails being done, it’s also probably the only time I spend away from my baby! My nails right now look manly! My hair is not done and I have just given up, this lockdown has got me depressed, I am dying for life to be normal again!
Lastnight I decided to tweeze my eyebrows as it was time and I leaned over my make up stand and the leg snapped, I knew the leg was breaking but not to the extent that it would snap. I lost it.
All these overwhelming emotions came flooded in and I was mad, I was mad at my husband who came to help me put it away and I was mad that he couldn’t fix it right there and then and then I got sad and I had to become still and dig down deep and understand why exactly am I sad.
You see my dad was a wise man and he always told me about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)
Denial, which was me denying the leg was breaking for months and just acting like it’s okay and continuing to use it.
Anger, my little breakdown when it broke.
Bargaining, expecting my husband to fix it right there and then.
Depression , why am I going on about a make up stand?!
Acceptance,what is this really about, this obviously is not about a make up stand.
And then it came to me, this was the last little piece of my old life I had left, the glamour, the make up, the independence.
The make up stand was an item that I wanted so badly, that I bought with my own money, you see every woman thinks being a stay at home wife/mom is so easy and amazing but it also takes a lot of strength and a lot of humility, you have to completely change apart of yourself.
I have worked since I was sixteen years old and I have never had to ask anyone to buy me anything that I wanted, if I wanted it, I would work for it. Now Im home and dependent on someone and it’s different. Not that it’s not all great, like everything in life it comes with the good and the bad, I love that I can stay at home and raise my babies and not have to work or worry about any finance but I just miss that independent part of me.
It was time for me to come to terms with the fact that in lockdown, make up free me, does not need a make up stand with millions of Mac products and Kylie products; that’s me still holding onto a part of my past life. I’m not saying I’m going to throw it away because it was expensive but I am saying that my make up stand breaking is not the end of my world right now, my priorities are far greater and let’s be honest, where am I going during this lockdown that I need make up.
Lets go through the five stages.
Denial , Buying make up and lots of heels and fancy clothing that right now sit in my closet with the tags on.
Anger, blaming my husband for wanting me to be a stay at home mom, every moms dream and also blaming him for not liking make up and telling me I’m beautiful without it. Yes I’m crazy, pray for him.
Bargaining, buying more things, we will be young again and party and get all glammed ( in those clothes, I’m not sure any time soon)
Depression, I’m getting older, I don’t work, I have nothing to wear make up to, I live in sweats.
Acceptance, this is everything I prayed for, I’m married to someone who loves me, I am a stay at home mom, I am what I’ve always wanted to be, my dream, I have two amazing sons, who I miss if they gone to long so I’m not sure where I think I’m going without them, and my life is comfortable! I get to stay home and just be, just be loved and everything is taken care of, I get to spend all the time with my kids and even though I don’t need it , my husband still spoils the hell out of me buying all of these things.
I am not saying we are not going to go out and that we shouldn’t as moms or parents dress up or have any fancy clothes but I think In lockdown it’s been difficult, I have been missing date nights with my husband where I get to put on my beautiful wedding ring , some heels and paint my face and get out. I think it’s good to do that with your husband atleast once a month but life has changed now and it’s okay, it doesn’t mean it’s over it just means a new adventure is beginning, motherhood and wifehood, the lockdown version.
What I am trying to say is, that it’s okay to miss your independence and old life sometimes but to know that when you are older, you are not going to reminisce about the days you spent working or partying but what you will reminisce about and treasure forever is the moments you spent with your kids, the first steps you were there for and all the loves and cuddle you recieved from their sweet souls.
A lot of the time we are so addicted to instant gratification that we become blind to the impact it has on our lives.
Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.