My Midlife Crisis
We often hear of midlife crisis and we laugh but it’s funny until you go through it yourself.
I’m twenty nine and in four months I’ll be thirty, the big thirty. You know when you young and you say by thirty these are the things I want, well for me it was always to be married with a family and to be a housewife, this has always been a dream of mine as sad as that might seem to most of you, yes I would like to have my own business too which I will definitely get too and very soon but I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a stay at home mom to my kids.I always wanted to be able to stay at home and raise my children. I am twenty nine years old and I have all of that so why am I trying so desperately to hold onto my twenties with all my might. The make up, the partying, the short shorts. What is it about???
Partying is great, I lived my twenties wild and free, I have pretty much been free spirited my entire life doing as I please and living impulsively! Was it fun ? Yes was it fullfiling? No!
The thing about partying and dressing up is that it’s all momentarily, the good feeling only lasts for about afew minutes and then the reality of how empty it is kicks in. I lived my twenties filled with anxiety, life shaking anxiety only brought on by myself.I don’t suffer from that anxiety anymore now that I’m married and spend alot of my time with my kids but does it get overwhelming and repetitive and is being home with covid kicking my ass, oh yes it is! I’m craving the party, the make up, the dressing up, the independence of my twenties, the lifestyle. Covid has left me indoors for 8 months, no shopping mall, nothing and it’s driving me mad.
I love being a mom, I love changing nappies, I love teaching my kids new things and I love spending allll the time with them in the world but I’m definitely missing my twenties abit, the perfect perky fake boobz, the independence and the freedom of doing whatever I want.
As moms is it normal to feel this way or are we expected especially as young moms to be completely devoted and content 100 percent of the time. No! It’s normal.
We got to as moms try and find time to do something we want to do atleast for a hour a day. I swear I love my kids but I don’t even get a hour to myself, I don’t know when last I took a hour to just do something I want to do and with covid it’s difficult. I’m really struggling to accept I’m turning thirty. It’s actually terrifying knowing I’m leaving my twenties. Do I not remember what a ride it’s been, my life is so much simpler now, filled with responsibility but simple, safe and healthy.
If you going through a midlife crisis, know that it’s okay and it’s normal, it’s not the end of your world and you will get through it.
I’m wanting another child because apart of me loves being a mom but am I terrified, it’s another step closer to me being old and officially a mom with a million kids. Being a mom makes me so happy , it’s healed me on so many levels so why am I scared because of my image , or my worry of it now meaning I’m super old.
Being old does not mean you have to dress a certain way but it definitely means respecting your body and allowing yourself to be fashionably comfortable.
Being old doesn’t mean giving up on life and becoming boring, it just means prioritizing and finding th right time to do fun appropriate activities.
Being a mother doesn’t mean acting accordingly to impress anyone but it does mean being mindful of your little ones who are now watching your every move.
I think once in awhile we allowed to be a little crazy and wild to feel free and let go a little. And when I say wild and free I mean having a sleepover with my girlfriends and laughing till my stomach hurts. Getting my nails done , swimming and dancing naked under the full moon , doing anything that makes my heart happy but also gets my blood flowing a little bit, dancing till the suns out with my husband and friends.
It’s great to be with my kids, I love cuddling them and loving them 90 percent of the time but there is definitely 10 percent of me who needs to still be just me and that’s a thirty year old woman. We can’t always just be mom.
Remember to allow yourself to just be, being a mom does not completely define you, you still a woman who is a goddess with needs, a heart and a soul.