Mental Health Awareness Week
Mama’s this topic is one that is very close to my heart. My dad had a saying that went like this , when your head is up your arse all you going to see is shit and that is what depression is
When I was twenty one and my first born was two years old, I got the job opportunity of a lifetime, to be a air hostess on a five star airline. This job meant the world to me as I was young and it meant I could finally move out of my parents place with my son and put him in private school and become independent. This also meant I could travel the world, this job offered medical aid, free accommodation and great life insurance. As a single mom struggling it was an opportunity I could not lose, the only problem was that this opportunity was in another country and meant leaving my little one for six months straight without being able to fly back. I was terrified of this but I thought it’s for him and his future so I can do it. I took it and I left, I still have the video of him looking at me on the plane and asking my mom where is mommy? This still breaks my heart today even thinking about it breaks my heart. I left my son and it was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I cried everyday, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function, I cried on the plane seeing other babies. I just cried. Who I am is a mom, it is the very core of me, doesn’t matter what I’ve done , it is my centre, it’s something I have no control over, I am a mother and I love my children with all my might. I had a manager and I begged her to let me just fly home once to visit my son and she said no it’s not allowed, I ended up spending nights at the airport with my bags deciding if I should just leave or not. I finally saw a doctor and he convinced them to let me visit home but I have to return, I came home and saw him and I cried, i missed out on so much in six months. I went back and I got into my apartment and I just felt such a dark energy in my room , this big black cloud and I just cried, the doctor said if I want to go home I need to go as his worried about my mental well being. I decided to leave and come back home and it was the best decision I ever made.
What I can tell you is that apart of me definitely felt like my life was over. 150 girls applied and only two of us got accepted so this was a big deal to get this job opportunity.
I came back and I had friends and family members upset with me whispering behind my back saying I’m stupid and how could I have given up such an opportunity, I don’t come from much and I will not be much and I let it get to me. I came back broken and it took so much from me to make changes for my mental health. It was work, I had to wake up every morning and do positive affirmations , write it down twenty one times everyday to get me out of my head space , I had to get up and start exercising, do yoga, meditate and work all of those frustrations out, I even tried tapping by Brad Yates and I had to most importantly just keep looking at my beautiful son.
The thing is I was wise even though I was young and I knew that my child is not going to remember what presents I sent him but he was going to remember all the time I spent with him, the hugs I gave him and every time I was there to wipe away his tears and pick him up after a fall.
Follow your heart moms, you always know what’s best and don’t allow anyone to tell you what you will or not be.
No one can understand a mother’s love but a mother. It’s worth sacrificing everything for. Give them all of you while you can. They deserve it. And so do you.
All is well within my world
I am healthy
I am happy
I am successful
All is love within my world